Whenever I move into a new place.
The first thing I do is put things on the walls.
Everything is new and fresh and I know
I'll be a different person when this is all over.
So I remind myself of all the things I think I am
at the time.
I put up pictures of myself and siblings as children,
so that I can remember how to be a kid again.
I hang my love, peace, and happiness sign upside down,
so I don't forget that happiness comes first, then peace in myself,
and only then can I truly love another person.
I hang the stop sign I picked up off the ground after Katrina.
It says "the stars are just old light" so I don't automatically think
everything is as it seems.
And that painting I got from the man with the broken heart,
selling everything in his house for a dollar.
With the clairvoyance of someone who had lost everything,
he gave me the painting of the older girl holding the two younger girls back,
to tell me to always take care of my sisters because they will do as I do.
All these lessons I put on the walls, and the closet is where I hide things.
Like the red and white quilt I'm a ashamed of.
I made it begrudgingly with my grandmother.
I dodged her when I could and when I couldn't I worked slowly looking out the window to where papa was working in the field, wishing I could be there instead. Forcing her to do most of the work.
When I was a teenager I told her I hated quilting and I didn't see the point.
And I was exactly right. That quilt is a giant point I missed, thinking I was being discriminated against.
My grandmother had the foresight to know that I would want memories of her when I was older and she tried to give that to me even when I was too ungrateful to accept it.
I put all my crutches and braces in the closet. Wrapped up in all the warnings and x-rays and MRI's. As long as they are hidden, I'm still invincible.
All the bad grades, bad relationships, and lost fights go into the closet.
So I hide all those things in the closet, instead of hanging them on the wall where they should go, to remind me of all the lessons that are far less fun to learn but far more important to remember.
Maybe if I had the courage to put them on the wall, I would actually be a different person.
The first thing I do is put things on the walls.
Everything is new and fresh and I know
I'll be a different person when this is all over.
So I remind myself of all the things I think I am
at the time.
I put up pictures of myself and siblings as children,
so that I can remember how to be a kid again.
I hang my love, peace, and happiness sign upside down,
so I don't forget that happiness comes first, then peace in myself,
and only then can I truly love another person.
I hang the stop sign I picked up off the ground after Katrina.
It says "the stars are just old light" so I don't automatically think
everything is as it seems.
And that painting I got from the man with the broken heart,
selling everything in his house for a dollar.
With the clairvoyance of someone who had lost everything,
he gave me the painting of the older girl holding the two younger girls back,
to tell me to always take care of my sisters because they will do as I do.
All these lessons I put on the walls, and the closet is where I hide things.
Like the red and white quilt I'm a ashamed of.
I made it begrudgingly with my grandmother.
I dodged her when I could and when I couldn't I worked slowly looking out the window to where papa was working in the field, wishing I could be there instead. Forcing her to do most of the work.
When I was a teenager I told her I hated quilting and I didn't see the point.
And I was exactly right. That quilt is a giant point I missed, thinking I was being discriminated against.
My grandmother had the foresight to know that I would want memories of her when I was older and she tried to give that to me even when I was too ungrateful to accept it.
I put all my crutches and braces in the closet. Wrapped up in all the warnings and x-rays and MRI's. As long as they are hidden, I'm still invincible.
All the bad grades, bad relationships, and lost fights go into the closet.
So I hide all those things in the closet, instead of hanging them on the wall where they should go, to remind me of all the lessons that are far less fun to learn but far more important to remember.
Maybe if I had the courage to put them on the wall, I would actually be a different person.
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